Book: World War Z

Posted By: Todd McClintock

This thriller/horror/tragedy novel by Max Brooks came out in 2006...but I just finished reading it. It has received stellar reviews, but as we all know, the best way to recommend a book is to have people read other stuff that is peripherally related to the book in question, like when you read some boring-ass biography to better understand an author's perspective. Also, I hope I'm not giving away too much when I say: There's a lot of zombies in it.

ITEM #1: EXCERPT FROM UPCOMING SEQUEL

Having already written an "oral history of the zombie war," Brooks decided to next take on an epistolary perspective of the events of World War Z in an upcoming sequel. The following is a chapter from said sequel that takes the form of a correspondence between two prominent scientists early in the zombie uprising.

Dr. Penske,

Enclosed are my findings of the infected subject that I've had in my care for the past six days. You'll note that I have included important info regarding the physiology of the specimen as well as some questions and concerns of my own that, hopefully, your own research can address. I will send more news as it arrives. Good luck.

Dr. Stebbin A. Warteer

Professor Emeritus

Chico State

(click to enlarge)

ITEM #2: LOST CHAPTER

Brooks originally planned to include a chapter in his book that included an interview with a high-profile media personality. This lost chapter was pieced together from shredded paper that was found in the garbage outside the Brooks estate.

New York, New York

[Walking into any of the apartments in the yet-to-recover areas of upstate New York, the last thing one expects to see is a smile. However, sitting down for tea with my hostess, Today Show anchor Meredith Vieira, I couldn't help but notice her sincere and constant smirk. Her happy expression is only interrupted when she answers my questions or when she takes a long sip of tea. It is the kind of behavior I expected from prewar news anchors, but even a decade after the Great Panic it is refreshing to see such a familiar face show true contentment.]

Wait, what? Can you repeat the question?

I asked, how did news corporations originally react to the news that the dead were walking?

The dead walking? What is this? What are you talking about?

The outbreak of "African Rabies?" What was The Today Show's initial reaction?

Hmmm...when was this?

You don't remember how the....it was...it was about ten years ago now. How do you not know about this?

Ah, there's your problem, I've been on sick leave for a while, I must have missed this. What else would you like to know?

Wait, sick leave? What are you sick with that you've been off work for over a decade?

Pink eye.

Pink eye?

Yeah, it's soooo itchy.

What the hell have you been doing for ten years?

Now THERE'S an interview question. Well, I have been pretty much stuck at home. I watched the whole second season of CSI: Miami. I made that.

[She points to the southern wall of her apartment which is covered in a crude crayon drawing of Matt Lauer with an orangutan body]

So what is this about a rabies? I'm kind of an expert on it after I watched that CSI where they're in Miami and --

Well, it wasn't really rabies, they say it's a virus --

You didn't let me finish, they're in Miami, and it looks like a murder scene, but really some guy was just bit by a rabid possum. The possum was the murderer. Can you believe it?! 

Meredith, the death toll is in the millions. People are still mentally and emotionally recovering, and some will never recover. They're still finding infected after they thaw or come up from the ocean depths. Entire cities are having to rebuild from scratch...

...What about...what about Pinkberry?

Gone.

Dear God...well then, in answer to your first query: this virus has taken its toll on the news media more than you could ever imagine. I think it is safe to say that until we can fill the void that this absence of frozen yogurt has left in our hearts, there will be no broadcast news...only a unanimous hope that we will, once again, have the freedom to choose not just our flavors, but our fresh fruit toppings as well. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to return to my office indefinitely.

[She enters her office and the door locks behind her. As I exit I hear her trying to drown out her sobs by turning up the volume on CSI: Miami. Her exclamation of "Why God?! WHY? Is this all apart of your 'master plan'?" interrupted by a tenaciously familiar "YEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"]






ITEM #3: ALTERED PERCEPTION
While reading World War Z, some of our staff reported perceiving ordinary items and occurrences differently due to the frightening and violent subject matter of the book. Their various reports are compiled in this list.

1. bookcase = door barricade
2. garage = weapons lab
3. milk crate = helmet
4. car = zombie-dozer
5. breakfast = possible last meal
6. darkness = perfect zombie hiding place
7. ikea = perfect human hiding place
8. sleep = vulnerability
9. sneezes = zombie alerters
10. hockey stick = sword
11. beef jerky = emergency rations
12. necktie = zombie death-handle
13. toothbrush = virus transmitter
14. cell phone < CB radio
15. unathletic friends = temporary
16. 3rd floor > 2nd floor > 1st floor
17. 83rd floor = fucked
18. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York = zombie booby trap blueprints
19. frisbee + straight razor = decapitation batarang
20. Ceiling fan = false hope
21. Fat people = best decoy ever!
22. Cocaine = suddenly kind of ok
23. Subway car = gliding underground death tube
24. Money = joke
25. Bike = man’s greatest creation
26. Sliced bread = man’s stupidest creation
27. Sports bra > pushup
28. Snowy mountain = safety zone
29. Stray dogs = hey puppy!  Whatcha playing with?  What’s that you have there –AAAAHHSHITHOLYFUNYARRRRRGHGHGH
30. Butter face > dead face