Posted By: Katelyn Hempstead
Just because it's a graphic novel doesn't mean that it has graphic subject matter...but in this case it sorta does. Just look at this cover, pills and a black abyss? Yikes! Anyways, people seem to like this thing, but read on and you'll get the whole story...or at least three weird parts of a very incongruous story that we put together.
ITEM #1: ANONYMOUS E-MAIL
The following e-mail was volunteered as authentic evidence suggesting the possibility of a movie adaptation of the graphic novel.
Hey baby. Just found this in the copier at work, guy name of Goran left it. I know u got an audition today but thought u might like it b/c it’s about a movie. Luv u baby. Can’t wait to tap that talented ass tonight.
PK: let’s do it
Set it in: Zagreb?
-too real
Los Angeles
-not real enough.
Need to show that suicide world is slightly less nice.
No: puppies, snocones, shoe inserts with the jelly (NOTE TO SELF GET INSERTS WITH THE JELLY), sundresses, scones with the orange glaze, caramel macchiatos (NOTE TO SELF STOP WRITING THIS SCRIPT IN STARBUCKS)
Or maybe mandatory: tongue piercings, urinal cakes in every toilet, Kesha during sex.
Actresses who peaked in the early 2000’s to play Mikal
Claire Danes – need someone jewier
Hillary Swank – too believable as a suicide
Naomi Watts – not actually sure who this is
Natalie Portman – eh, who am I kidding.
NOTE TO SELF just call Shannyn Sossamon, tell her you’ll pay her in hair gel
Name, name, need a name.
Original? (Too touchy. ‘Kamikaze’ still too raw.)
Mordy in Wonderland?
72 virgins and a Chevy?
Wristcutters (nah, we’ll miss out on the 35-60 demographic. They buy the tickets anyway)
Dead and Loving it? (NOTE TO SELF COME BACK TO THIS ONE)
Barista: Cherie – (251) 894-9936
(NOTE TO SELF: probably a fake number)
ITEM #2: LITERARY REACTION
This anthology of poetry, written by an EBR staff member, was "discovered" in a moleskin journal that was left carelessly in a triple-pad-locked desk drawer.
A Series of Haiku Peripherally Related to the Graphic Novel “Pizzeria Kamikaze”
Sadness, what is it?
Depression, malaise, blue moods?
This book cost twelve bucks.
“So it’s Japanese”
Says my mother on the phone.
Man, what a yuppie.
Actually, my mom
Is great, very tolerant.
Thanks for the rent checks!
Yikes, graphic novels
Have become really graphic.
I’m sick of titties.
On this page right here
I spilled some pesto pasta.
I don’t feel bad, though.
Don’t tell me about
Watchmen, I’m over that shit.
Bite me, Alan Moore.
I didn’t mean it!
Please don’t sue me, Alan Moore!
I’m just a dumb kid.
I have no money.
Alan Moore has wrecked my life.
This is true sadness.
ITEM #3: THIRD PARTY RESEARCH
Submitted by a loyal EBR follower.
Summer Book Report
Caylee Fisher
Mrs. Liu’s 4th grade class.
This summer I read a grate book. I got if from my sisters room, whose name is Sarah and I did not tell her. So please do not tell her Mrs. Liu! Only joking I know you would not do it. The name of the book is Pizzeria Kamikaze and the name was the hardest part but I spelled it for my mom and she told me what it was. So that was a hard way to start when could not even read the title!!! Also the names of the athors were really hard to read they were Etgar Keret and Asaf Hanuka. While I was typing them rite now I had to read them very carefully so that I would not miss spell them. Hanuka is a holiday. They are names from Israel I know that because I googled them. Also I googled the book and I read an amazon book report on it but it was not very good definitely not as good as this one already haha! I am joking again sorry Miss Liu. When I googled Israel I found out a lot of stuff. But also already I knew a lot of stuff about Israel because my aunt Becca moved there only now she is my aunt Rivka and she wears a thing on her head all the time because she fell in love with Joshua who I am not allowed to call my uncle even though if someone marries your aunt he is your uncle rite?!?!?!? Anyway there is someone in Pizzeria Kamizake named J who I think is probably Jesus. I know this because of he has long hair and he dies for some reasons that everyone thinks are really great but I think are kind of dumb and the really pretty girl in the book said the same thing. I think Jesus was ok only I would not die for someone elses sins!! !! Because I will not like to even skip dinner for my own!!!!! Hahaha. This book was sometimes confusing because it had pictures. But it was not like little house on the prairie which we are reading out loud in class and has pictures only sometimes or like Archie which is funny. I guess this book was kind of funny but mostly it was about people who did a sooiside which they do not actually say in the book. It was good. The characters were good the setting was good the plot was good also. I would say it was a really really really good book and I would reckomend it to everyone ever because it made me think a lot. That is the end of my book report.
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